Tag Archive | Dance

He’s Just Not That Into Me

September saw school start back for another academic year. I sat in the canteen on my first day back after the Summer holidays, excited to catch up with my friends whom I hadn’t seen for a while. The excitement soon wore off. All of my friends had stories about boys whom they were texting, and all I had was a story of rejection. I began to feel really out of place, as if I couldn’t join in on the conversations they were having. I even struggled to be happy for them. I was officially a Martian that day. An awkward Martian who was the only person not complaining about having to wear a school uniform. I knew if we could wear our own clothes into school every day the fashion parade it would turn into, coupled with my lack of confidence in my own style, would result in me having a mini meltdown every morning in front of the mirror. Yep, the uniform will do nicely.

There was a pause in the conversation (that I wasn’t participating in) and I looked towards the entrance of the canteen. That’s when I noticed….Jack. A new kid in town. He was the hot topic amongst all the girls that morning. I could almost hear the silent wishes being made that he would be placed into their classes. He had it all, it seemed. I…(dare I say it)…liked him. I found myself wishing he would be in my class. In my thoughts I was trying to bargain with whoever was on charge of granting this wish that I would do the household chores for, like, 3 months if it came true. It did. Jack was in my class!

It took me days to muster up the courage to speak to him. In hindsight, I wouldn’t classify the dialogue that unfolded as a conversation. More like a ‘Do you have a red pen, please?’. But still, it was communication and I was still at the ‘excited to have someone to fancy’ stage, I hadn’t really thought past that. Until Jack started to take an interest in my sister who was a year above me in school. What a nightmare.

I worked hard for the year, largely trying to ignore the blatant flirtation between them in the corridors and before I knew it, it was my junior prom, and I was 16. Sweet 16. NOT.

I brought a male friend who I knew I would get along with. Surprise, surprise all my friends brought either dates or boyfriends. I wasn’t even going to go to my junior prom only for my Mother giving me the ‘you’re wonderful, sweetheart – don’t let it get to you’ pep talk.

It’s a week before the event. Just as I had mentally psyched myself up for a night of being a 3rd wheel amongst a population of couples, I heard my sister screech with excitement in the next room. I felt the blood drain from my face. It can’t be. My sister burst into my room, and excitedly informed me that she had been invited to attend by someone in my class. This was hard enough to take. My thunder was well and truly stolen. However, the next couple of words equated to a kick in the teeth. ‘…with Jack’.

‘It’s a joke’ I assured myself. There is noway on Earth this is happening to me. None.

It happened.

The day of my prom, Jack arrived first. With a present for my sister. I’m not going to lie, the thought of locking her into her closet and fooling Jack into taking me in her place did cross my mind. I was willing to take whatever punishment my parents threw my way. Instead however, I sat there and made small talk with him (as per usual) while we waited for my sister to gracefully descend the staircase into the arms of my secret crush.

The night itself was, what can only be described as torturous. I wasn’t used to wearing a dress like this. Or heels. I didn’t win prom princess (shock, horror) and at the end of the night I got to see my sister and Jack share a kiss.

‘He’s just not that into me’, I consoled myself as I kicked my heels off in my bedroom at the end of the night and got into my bed. ‘Plenty more fish in the sea’.

I never really spoke to Jack after that. I took the hint that he just wasn’t interested. Why did I like him for so long? I actually don’t know. Is it because he was sort of unobtainable? Is this a trend that I would begin, liking people who I knew didn’t like me back? Am I my own worst enemy when it comes to love? A glutton for punishment?

Jack now lives in Australia with his long term girlfriend, who isn’t my sister. A small consolation.

Little did I know however, that in the weeks following my prom, I was about to be faced with a blast from the past…..

My Unsuccessful Summer Camp Romance

Fast forward a year to Summer 2004. I’m now 15. Still struggling with my fashion sense and in finding comfort in my own style. I’ve developed a goofy humor that only my family and my closest friends were allowed to witness. Again, afraid society wouldn’t like me (for being me).

I’m at a Summer Camp. With a few of my best mates from school. The duration was 4 weeks and our days revolved around classes, activities and a dance in the evenings. I was bound to meet a nice boy here of similar age and interests, right? WRONG.

The first day we arrived, I got involved in a game of football with the boys. Such a lady – obviously the Tom-boy inside me was still alive and kicking (No pun intended.) I had to retire early from the game however, my jeans just didn’t allow for the same mobility as the boys’ tracksuits. I sat down at the edge of the make shift playing area. Along came….Mark.

‘Hello there!’ he said. I wasn’t instantly blown away by him, but strangely attracted to him all the same. ‘Hi!’ I said back. He asked me my name and then commented ‘There’s a rumour going around here that you play football for this country. Is that true?’. I laughed, and simply responded with an ‘I wish’. He sat beside me. ‘I think that you’d be good enough, you should give it a go. I’m Mark by the way’. A serial charmer. But I wasn’t used to it, so I felt *gulp* special.

We hit it off, and continued to for the rest of the camp. I started to notice girls flocking around Mark. ‘They must fancy him’ I thought. I wasn’t sure if it bothered me or not.

Now, let me introduce Liz. My arch nemesis of this Summer Camp. She had long brown flowing hair, a smile so bright it was almost glow in the dark (her Dad was a dentist) and a killer wardrobe to boot. A threat for any girl in that place, never mind little old me. She mixed with different groups throughout and people seemed so desperate to be liked by her. She liked to mention the fact that her family were rich a lot. Her conversations with me revolved around Mark. What he likes, what sport he plays, music he listens to….I could go on all day. Why was she asking me this?

I’ll tell you why. Word had filtered back to me that Mark had a soft spot for me. Obviously, I panicked and said to the messenger that I wasn’t sure if I liked him. Again, why did I do this? I think the thoughts of people discussing me and my business freaked me out. Part of me didn’t believe it either. If this was a joke and I did admit that I liked him I would be publicly ostracised and the butt of everyone’s jokes. ‘I’ll play it safe’ I thought, and give an impartial answer.

That night at the dance, I saw Liz and Mark chatting. They were getting on really well. How? My friends took a quick walk past, lingered to hear some of the conversation and then reported back to me. ‘She’s using the answers you gave her about Mark to pretend she likes football! And the same music!’ Oh my God I had been out crafted. Liz had let me do all the hard work of getting to know him, and then swooped in last minute like a bird of prey to claim her prize.

It got worse. They kissed. I could hear my heart beating in my chest. Hurt or rage, or both I’m not sure. But it wasn’t a nice feeling. Yet oddly, it was one I experienced many times after, which I will blog about in time.

I avoided Mark and Her Majesty Liz the man stealer for the last few days of camp. On the final day I was faced with saying a goodbye to Mark. The awkwardness was palpable. ‘You didn’t like me….’ He said, as if trying to justify kissing Liz. ‘I did’ I said ‘I’m just not very good at telling people what I think’. He hugged me and then put his forehead against mine. ‘I wanted to kiss you’ he whispered. ‘Goodbye, Mark’ I said. I walked off, still angry not only with him and Liz, but with myself.

Years later and I’m now 21. My younger brother received a football scholarship to play and study at University. He came home one day and he asked me ‘Sis, do you know a guy called Mark? He plays football on my team, and he went to that Summer Camp you went to a few years back? He said he knows you, and to say ‘hi’.’

My heart jumped. ‘Yeah, I know him. Tell him I say ‘hi’ back’.

They still play on the same team to this day. I have yet to bump into him.